There are some days when I simply should not be out moving amongst the masses. On days like these - on days like today to be exact - I need a personal space of about 6 feet on all sides in order to feel comfortable. I feel like everyone is watching me. I feel like people are poking me with their elbows on purpose. I wonder the why the people I’m sitting next to in the tram don’t move over so I can stop feeling their legs brush against mine. I wonder why the people walking in front of me don’t speed up or get out of the way so I’m not tripping over them. I wonder why the people behind me don’t slow down or go around me so I don’t have them tripping over me.

And speaking of people behind me, standing in line at the grocery store is a torture for me on days like this. Why on earth do people insist on scooting up so close to me in line that they are literally breathing down my neck? I scoot up to give myself some space, and they scoot right up close to me again. I scoot up, they scoot up. I scoot up, they scoot up. It’s absolutely maddening and it makes my skin crawl. Are they afraid someone is going to cut in front of them in line or what? Okay, in Germany that’s not such an unfounded fear, but for pity’s sake, you don’t need to weld yourself to my body to keep your place in line. Get off my tail already.

And here’s another tip for all the people out and about in town (and this isn’t just for days when I’m in a bad mood either): if you’re trying to decide whether or not to go up or down an escalator, stand aside while you think about it. I have no desire to fight my way past the human wall you are creating while you debate the pros and cons of getting on the moving stairs. And if you’ve reached the end of an escalator and you’re trying to decide where to go after you get off of it, then move away from the end while you make your decision. I also have absolutely no desire to be pitched off of the escalator and directly into you because you’re standing there like a bump on a log and taking absolutely no notice of anything going on around you.

It’s completely irrational, but on days like this, everyone bothers me. Everyone looks bizarre. Everyone is too loud and too close. Everything is too much. Everything overwhelms me, and it’s only when I’m back home, back in my little snail shell and sheltered from so much oppressive humanity, that I can just relax and feel a bit more normal. On days like this, I should never leave the house. I should never subject anyone else to my wretched, misanthropic mood.

I’m just not fit for society on days like this.

Further reading…