Outfits of Olympic proportions. by
September 2000
So I’ve started watching the Olympics, and I’m just wondering: why is it that, in beach volleyball, the men’s “uniform" is a tank top and a big old pair of shorts, and the women’s “uniform" is a little bikini? During the first women’s beach volleyball match that I watched (yes, I’ll watch any sport during the Olympics), the German commentator made some stupid remark about how the sport is so popular because, of course, everyone likes to watch “scantily-clad, well-tanned young women.” I rolled my eyes in disgust at this but then thought, “Hey, maybe this means I’ll get to see some scantily-clad, well-tanned young men when the men’s beach volleyball matches start!” That wouldn’t have been such a bad thing. After all, both sexes can play at this game (no pun intended).
But no. The men wear normal, baggy clothing. Why is that, pray tell? And didn’t a bunch of women volleyball players rebel a few years ago at having to wear such stupid skimpy outfits? I certainly wouldn’t blame them. Okay, track and field outfits are skimpy too, but I think there are aerodynamic reasons for that. There don’t seem to be many aerodynamics involved in beach volleyball, and even if there are, the same laws of physics apply to women and men, so why don’t they wear the same type of outfit?
Whatever. I guess the female beach volleyball players don’t mind or else they would have insisted on baggy shorts as well. And I suppose if I had a body like a professional beach volleyball player, I also would not hesitate to jump around in a sporty “bikini". And maybe I wouldn’t have taken any notice of any of this in the first place if the television commentator had not specifically pointed out - in a suspiciously satisfied tone of voice - that this bikini thing is the official uniform for the women beach volleyball players.
And it is most likely that I should just not keep staying up until 3 in the morning, staring blearily at the television and pondering something as ridiculously trivial as the policy governing Olympic beach volleyball uniforms.