September Revisited
Monday, September 9th, 2002
Well, it finally happened: last night I had my first real nightmare about last September 11, complete with traumatized firefighters and dark, empty streets filled with dust.
This surprised me because I thought I had done a really good job of ignoring all things September 11-related in the past week or so. I made the decision quite a while ago to avoid the one-year "anniversary" hype at all costs. Starting last month, the New York Times headlines told me all I needed to know: television channels jockeying for "exclusive rights"; heart-rending interviews and stirring stories; minute-by-minute recounts of exactly what happened on that fateful day; spectacular footage (never before seen!) of the planes and the towers and the people and the dust, over and over and over again…
I don’t need any of this, not now. Maybe some people do, and that’s fine. Everyone deals with traumatic events in their own way, and if others find the endless retrospectives comforting or cathartic, then I hope they are able to find some relief this September 11.
But for my part, September 11, 2001 seems like just yesterday. The images I saw and the feelings I felt that day are burned indelibly into my mind and heart. I haven’t forgotten a single thing about that day. From the moment I first had an inkling that something terrible had happened, to the days that followed when I sat like a zombie, wondering where it all went to from here…it’s all as clear to me as if it just happened. So I guess it’s just too soon for me to feel comfortable with a detailed recounting of the events. Who needs the events to be recounted already? Who’s already forgotten what happened?
In the days following September 11, 2001, I couldn’t get enough news. My television was permanently tuned to BBC News 24. I snapped up newspapers left and right. I trawled the Internet for images and information. Information was a connection to the world, and personal stories and editorials were a connection to other people in the world who felt the same way I did.
At the same time, I felt the need to keep the rawness of my emotions intact for some reason. I remember thinking that I had to hold on to that feeling of shock and horror so that I could recall it in the future and remind myself (as if I would need reminding) of just how horrible it all was. It was like pressing on a bruise to make sure it still hurt. I didn’t want any of the feelings or the memories to dim or fade away, because then they would seem unreal.
But at some point it all became too much. At some point, after watching those towers collapse a million times, the feeling of sick fascination turned into a feeling of just being sick. I had to start looking away. I didn’t need to see the images anymore, anyway - they were all there in my mind. At some point, I also realized that I didn’t need to hang on to the actual, raw emotions in order to be able to remember how I felt on September 11, 2001. I had to stop pressing on that bruise and get on with things. I would always remember how I felt, long after the actual bruise had faded away.
There’s an interesting theory regarding memory that, if I remember correctly (har har), goes something like this: our most vivid memories are the ones that we go back to over and over again. Memories are like a place that we trek back and forth to, and the more often we visit a particular memory, the deeper the ruts in the track to that memory become.
I’ve gone back to my memories of last September 11 so often that they must have a paved highway leading up to them now. I’m painfully familiar with the path to those memories, and at this point I really don’t want or need some TV show to lead me back to them, to refresh the bruises that have long since healed. Maybe in one or two year’s time I’ll want to watch the documentaries or see the pictures again. But unless some terrible fit of masochism hits me, I think that on September 11, 2002, my television will remain turned off.
Comments
1
Agreed…
2
You said everything I have been feeling.
3
I have never been to this site before in my life, I came across this site as a link within another site. So I clicked it. Being a thinker, I clicked thinker.
There is was, your entry September 9th 2002. I was immediatly drawn to your entry as this date was the third anniversary of my sister’s death.
As I read on I discovered your were writing about September 11th. When September 11th happened, I was too wrapped up with the second anniversary of my sister death. This year’s anniversary, somwhat got to me though. Unlike any other attack in war, the only people that are sacrificed are the people who risk their lives.
With September 11th, so many innocent people who, whether they were just going about their normal day, were visiting New York as a tourist or they lived there, normal everyday people suffered, and the relatives, friends, lovers and New York residents are still suffering. People all over the world are in mourning for you, and all the survivors of the September 11th attacks, your are in the hearts and souls of any person on this planet worth any sort of decency.
4
Let us not forget the sufering the U.S has brought to the world also. In my opinion it is Bush that is responsible and his administration of capatalistic violent movements to conquer the world for oil!!!
None of this would have happened if we would have left other people alone!
5
Nic, You are out of your mind! Bush is doing everything just the way it should be! If you are against what the president is doing with this possable War in Iraq, You are UNAMERICAN!! The Iraqi have ties to Bin Laddin. After what happened on sept 11, 2001, Im ready to eliminate anyone that could hold a threat to us no matter what he, she or it is! War is a statement for the USA! We will take no more shit! we will NOT! back down ever again. The whole world thinks we are a bunch of rollovers! I say, “If you mess with us, we are gonna TAKE YOU OUT!!!!” Get a grip all you people against defending our country…You can leave any time!
Major,Bill Glass United States Air Force
6
After the September 11th attacks…the media showed a clip of Saddam Hussain being told of what happened to our towers. He smiled a big smile and praised the people responsible. He cheered for the terrorist victory against us! That my friend will forever be etched in my mind. So im for this war with Iraq! not just for his actions. but, because he laughed at us in our time of dispair. I say kill the asshole and get a new government in there as soon as we can. James Marshall
7
Yeah…great…just kill all those puny idiots that laughed at you…well…why not throw a nuke at everything outside the US? well…save Canada and Maxico…you need them for NAFTA…. bah…are you guys really so stupid? sorry…but imho there has been more than enough killing after 9/11..
besides…seeing as the ‘War against Iraq’ has happened already….does anyone feel better? are the people in Iraq better off? Do they have more water, money, luxuries, etc? so…tell me…was that fucking war worth those billions you spent on it or do you need another country you can bomb?
A short reminder: I have many very good friends in the US, i am quite convinced that the US is one of the greatest countries I’ve ever been to or known, but at the same time I’m convinced that this ‘war against terrorism’ is wrong. At least the way it is done atm.
8
I can’t agree more Dinyar. And as for Bill Glass…what a freak! He sounds just like a Hollywood movie! I have no doubt that what happened in NY on Sept 11 was horrific. Everyone all over the world stopped and stared in horror….but I ask you…if Rawanda, Vietnam, Nanking or Cambodia were on live TV….what would our reactions be to those crimes against humanity? I hate to say it..but September 11 had a huge impact because it happened in the Western world and it was broadcasted. Plenty of innocent people have died in wars - and it has to be said - the US are responsible for a lot of these. To be honest - even though September 11 was horrible and frightening - a little part of me thought…there you go America…how does that feel??? You don’t think the states have killed plenty of innocent people….children included! At least who ever was responsible for 911 had the decency to target it early in the morning when the building and the streets were fairly empty, I don’t think the States have ever been so courteous!
As for Bin Ladden, if you did your research Bill Glass…you would find that he was a good friend of your buddy bush! In fact he flew the whole Bin Ladden family out of the US for their safety….and just thinking about it….Bin Ladden himself is probably slapping on the tanning oil and sucking down a cocktail right now for all we know. Fat lot of good Bush did to catch him! As far as I’ve heard your armed forces couldn’t find a storm in a teacup! OK….I am getting agitated now. To be honest the rest of the world is sick of your yankee "we’re the greatest country in the world" crap. As far as I’m concerned there is no better country than Australia…and true politics and freedom of the press are far more alive and kicking in Europe than anywhere else in the world. So much for America being the land of the free….if this were the case Bush wouldn’t have won the last election!
9
September 11 was not deserved in any way - it was not some monolithic, impersonal "America" that was attacked, but 3000 innocent people going about their daily lives. I agree that the US is guilty of a lot of dodgy crap, and that it throws its weight around like some teenage bully, and that TV broadcasts have an enormous influence on public perception of an event, and that it is not fair that 3000 dead Americans is so much more shocking to the West than several million dead Africans, and that Bush screwed up by failing to bring Bin Laden to justice and going after Saddam Hussein instead (who had f*ck-all to do with September 11), etc. etc…
BUT - to have gotten any sense of satisfaction out of what happened on September 11, or to say that it was a "courtesy" for the attacks to have happened in the morning, is simply disgusting and outrageous. That is really *way* off the mark.
Sorry. Comments are closed.