SCENE 1:

Jeremy and Jessica have been standing in the computer department of a large German department store for 15 minutes, desperately trying to catch someone’s attention for some help. Finally, Jeremy manages to drag the computer man over to where Jessica is standing by the CD-ROM drives.

JEREMY: “We’re interested in buying a new CD-ROM drive, and we need a bit of help in choosing one.”

MAN: “…"

JEREMY: “Uh, can you tell us a little bit about these drives, please?”

MAN: “What’s there to tell?”

JESSICA: “Well, could you recommend one to us?”

MAN: “…" (pokes at random boxes, shrugs, mutters to himself)

JEREMY: “Which ones are good?”

MAN: “We’re selling them all, aren’t we? They’re all good.”

JEREMY: “Why are these the same speed but different prices? What’s the difference?”

MAN: “There’s no difference.”

JESSICA: “Then why are they different prices?”

MAN: “…" (shrugs in a most irritated fashion)

JEREMY: “Can you tell us anything at all about these CD-ROM drives?”

MAN: “It doesn’t matter which one you choose. They’re all the same. They’re all good.” (walks away)

JEREMY: (to the man’s retreating back) “Thank you so much for you expert help…”

JESSICA: (desperately resorting to Amero-centric cultural comparisons, though the man is long gone) “You’d be fired in two seconds in America!”

SCENE 2:

Jeremy stands behind the counter in the bakery. Jessica is at a table, sipping coffee and observing the transactions with the customers. A customer walks in.

JEREMY: “Hello!"

CUSTOMER: “…" (busy looking at bread)

JEREMY: “Hello?"

CUSTOMER: “…" (looking at bread, mumbling to himself)

JEREMY: “Hel-loooo…"

CUSTOMER: (looking at bread) “…(mumble, mumble)…give me…the…the…rye bread…no…the…maybe the…sunflower bread…”

JEREMY: “Will that be all?”

CUSTOMER: “…" (looking in wallet)

JEREMY: “Will that be all?”

CUSTOMER: “Mm-hmm." (still looking in wallet)

JEREMY: “That’ll be 5 marks please.”

CUSTOMER: (tosses change on counter)

JEREMY: “Thank you, and have a wonderful day.”

CUSTOMER: “…" (takes bread and heads for the door)

JEREMY: “Goodbye!"

CUSTOMER: (heads out door)

JEREMY: “GOODBYE!"

CUSTOMER: (door shuts and he is gone)

I have not made either of these scenes up. I have not dramatized them or exaggerated them in any way. This is life in the Servicewüste Deutschland - literally, the “service desert”, as the Germans call Germany themselves.

In the service desert, the customer is not always right. The customer is almost never right. In fact, the customer is basically just a nuisance to anyone standing behind a counter. And the person standing behind the counter is apparently seen by the customer as nothing more than a necessary evil: you may have to deal with the person behind the counter if you want the bread, but that doesn’t mean you have to make an effort to treat that person like a human being.

Both of these people are extreme versions of what one is likely to encounter here on a day-to-day basis. Actually, the customer in the bakery was not that extreme at all. I saw that same scene played out over and over and over again, and it made me furious every time. It also made me wonder if the apparent rudeness of the salespeople in this country is nothing more than a reaction to having to deal with crummy customers all day long.

The thing is, most Germans don’t have a problem with any of this. I’ve seen salespeople here treat other customers in a way that I find dreadfully rude - but whereas I would take it as a personal insult, the German customers aren’t fazed by it. German customers give as good as they get, and nobody seems to get really mad or insulted.

There are some Germans who lament the fact that Germany isn’t more like America, with its happy-happy joy-joy did-you-find-everything-okay-have-a-nice-day attitude (or platitudes). But there are just as many Germans who find American friendliness fake and unbearably stifling, and in a way I can see their point. It is a shallow sort of friendliness in America. But then, who cares? It makes life run a bit more smoothly, I think. I’d rather deal with someone being shallowly friendly than someone being genuinely rude.

But obviously, my perception of all this is purely cultural. I was brought up in a friendly American service industry environment, and I was brought up with good American manners. “Please" and “thank you” are woven into the fabric of my being. I couldn’t change this even if I wanted to.

But I choose to live here in Germany, where “please" and “thank you” are not the order of the day. So I have learned to accept the fact that I have to fight for my rights as a customer here. And I try not to take it personally when someone snaps at me or completely ignores me. And anyway, there are also very friendly people here - friendly bank people, friendly cashiers, friendly waiters, friendly customers. And even when they aren’t overwhelmingly friendly, most people also aren’t what I would call “rude", per se. Brusque, maybe. Impersonal. Business-like. But not mean.

However, I am always astounded anew when I see a salesperson treating a customer or a customer treating a salesperson in a completely contemptuous manner, especially if one of the parties is attempting to be nice.

A greeting and a farewell by nature require a reciprocal greeting and farewell in any culture that I am familiar with. I can’t really think of any excuse for not saying “hello" to a person who says “hello" directly to you. And not even making eye contact with the person who is “serving" you goes far beyond just being rude. As far as I’m concerned, that is insulting to the point of dehumanizing, in any country and any culture.

There is no need for people to be so cold and patronizing towards each other. Maybe it sounds clichéd, but a smile really doesn’t cost anything, and it takes just as much energy to be really mean to somebody as it does to be kind of nice to them.

So, come on, people. Break out those big American smiles. You’d be surprised how much more pleasant life seems when somebody smiles at you.

And if you can’t bring yourself to smile, then at least look me in the eye while you’re being mean to me.