The moving blues.

Friday, August 4th, 2000

It’s funny(-weird). Whenever people ask me about my childhood, I always say the same old stuff: I was born in New Orleans, but my dad was in the Army, so I moved around a lot as a kid.

In the course of the past week, however, I’ve come to realize that this is not entirely true. I didn’t move around a lot. I was moved around a lot. There’s a big difference.

Only now, when I’m actually having to move myself, do I realize how big the difference really is. Moving was difficult for me as kid, but it was difficult because it meant that I had to leave friends and familiar places and head into the great unknown to make new friends and start a new life. I remember the emotional upheaval of moving because that was what affected me most.

But to be honest, I don’t really remember a thing about packing stuff up, about having our furniture taken away, about having to decide whether to keep something or throw it out or give it away, about having to deal with the logistics of getting ourselves and all our stuff from one place to another (the “another" usually being someplace an ocean away)… I don’t even remember so much as packing a suitcase during any move as a child or teenager.

This is fairly disturbing, actually. I (was) moved around 8 times between the age of 1 and the age of 17. Obviously I don’t remember the really early moves, but I feel like I should remember something more of the later moves than just the sadness of saying goodbye to an old place and the trepidation when confronted with a new one. Why don’t I remember the packing? Why don’t I remember the cleaning and the clearing out? Why don’t I remember paper and boxes and packing tape?

Now that I’m faced with my own move to England, I’ve developed two theories about these gaps in my memory: either my parents did an absolutely incredible job of somehow shielding me from the horrendous stress that must have surrounded every move, or I’ve somehow suppressed all the memories of my childhood moves because they’re too traumatic to deal with. In fact, up till now I worked very hard to suppress all thoughts about this move because they were too traumatic to deal with. But the denial isn’t going to work anymore.

It’s only now, I think, that I really grasp the true extent of what a move means. Just a few weeks ago I was watching a program about moving on television, and some psychologist was saying that the psychological stress of moving is surpassed only by the psychological stress of a death. I certainly can’t pass judgment on this statement. I can only say that moving - especially when a change of country and the crossing of a body of water are involved - is infinitely more complex and taxing than even I, an Army brat, had imagined.

I’m going crazy, and we’re not even in the thick of things yet. When I start to look forward to having my wisdom teeth pulled just because it will be a distraction from all the thoughts about packing and painting and moving - well, then you know I’m in a bad way!

Comments

1

As an Army brat we moved 32 times. I attended 16 schools, including 4 high schools in 3 states. I have a painfully limited memory of any of it. If not for my 3 brothers and sister, I would be even more "complicated" than I am now. At 54, I am keen on understanding the damage done and looking for some healing. I can see that I have passed some of it on to my kids.. When everything is changed or taken away every 6 months, you develop a sense that nothing has value. Interesting stuff….Good luck with your move.

Posted by TJ

2

I am an Air Force brat, and my husband’s career has moved our family all over this country. Currently at age 39, I have moved 36 times! I wish I couldn’t remember the moves of my childhood but I do and they caused many traumatic events that have stayed with me for life. Since we last moved in January 2008, I have become very depressed and lost my desire to "make the best of it" - yet again! I haven’t even really unpacked yet and don’t want to since I, know this "home" is temporary. I said that I would never do this to my children, yet here we are moving as much as I did in my childhood. I am angry that I have no control over this as I love my husband and he needs to work therefore he needs to transfer when the company requires it. I feel like all of this moving has destroyed my life. I am jealous of those who don’t have to fear losing their home and lifestyle over and over again. I wonder how much of this can one person take? I hear the saying "bloom where you are planted" and I think, how can I bloom when I keep getting pulled up, roots and everything! As a stay at home mom, I know much of my identity is connected to "home". I would like to know more about the TV program you mentioned on moving. It would be great if you could give me the specific information so that I can locate it and show it to my husband. I am trying to convince him to leave his company and stop this moving maddness. Thanks!

Posted by Towanda

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